


bend & break.

by gentlejiwon



Category: iKON (Kpop)
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Unrequited Love, homophobic parents, kinda wrote this in weird snapshots, lapslock, slight - bobhi, this is just a sad mess, this will have a happy ending I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 16:24:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7764808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gentlejiwon/pseuds/gentlejiwon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>jiwon drives hanbin wild.</p>
            </blockquote>





	bend & break.

walking into the classroom, he spots mrs. christina writing out the day's lesson on the board but something's different today. hanbin's usually the first in the classroom but someone sits at the desk next to hanbins. a very cute looking boy, someone he's never seen before and frankly, hanbin couldn't care less about him, his goal was to survive the rest of his junior year without getting bullied or making any friends but a voice breaks him out of his thoughts, "my name's jiwon but you can also call me bobby." he smiles, all bright eyes and snow white teeth, hand held out for hanbin to take and he hates it. why is he so happy and bright and perfect and everything hanbin's not?

hanbin chooses not to answer, ploping down in his usual seat, taking his tattered journal out, along with his headphones and mp3 player. once the familiar beat started streaming through his earbuds, he began rereading what he had scribbled in the dead of night when he woke up in a cold sweat, inspiration hitting him like a truck. ( _ **go as far as you can, do everything they tell you not to, if you don’t know me, get to know me now, korea’s music industry had no owner, but it’s mine now, if that disgusts you and you have the confidence, try to take away my leadership.**_ ) he lightly murmured the words, trying to fit them to the song playing until he felt a presence lurking over his shoulder. hanbin immediately slams his notebook closed and rips the headphones out, turning to face the boy who had been reading what he was writing and when he spoke, his words were filled with venom and his were eyes narrowed, "what on God's earth do you think you're doing?"

"reading your lyrics, i think they're really good. do you think you could rap them for me?" and again, he's all smiles and hanbin tells himself his heart didn't just skip a beat, "i mean, you don't have to! if it makes you uncomfortable that is, it's just- i've never met anyone here who's serious about becoming a rapper like me and i guess..." jiwon let's his voice fade as he watches hanbin who turns around, grabbing his headphones and holding them up, the volume loud enough for both boys to hear before he starts. hanbin's voice is unconfident and his flow is messy and he pretends his cheeks don't turn light pink when he looks up and sees jiwon bobbing his head along and smiling like it was the best thing he ever heard.

 

 

flash forward 6 months and the now best friends are having another one of their impromptu rap battles in the privacy of jiwon's bedroom and no matter how hard he tries, hanbin is beaten by jiwon again. because it's always jiwon whos flow is smoother, words are sharper and faster, whos insults pack a worse bite. but it's nothing hanbin can't take, he's use to it, use to being insulted but before he shakes the thoughts from his mind before his mothers harsh words seep in, this is jiwon time, not mother time.

"bin, do you think we'll make it? as rappers, i mean." jiwon flops his body on the bed, arms spread and welcoming as his voice is not a hair above a whisper and as hanbin lays down, his head resting on jiwon's arm, he doesn't know the answer so he shrugs, muttering 'we'll just have to wait and see' and when he turns his head his breath stops. jiwon is looking right at him, brown eyes warm and full of something (admiration? excitement?) that seems foreign to hanbin and it turns his stomach upside down before he breaks the moment, sitting up quickly and tries to conceal his blushing cheeks by excusing himself, saying he really needed to get home. 

and that night when he finally escape to his room, chores done, hanbin finds himself at his desk with his trusty notebook out because he's been hit with inspiration once again. ( _ **trying hard not to fall, on the way home, you were trying to wear me down.**_ )

the next day jiwon gets a girlfriend named hayi.

 

 

he hasn't seen jiwon in weeks, hayi has taken up all of his time and with summer quickly approaching, hanbin lets it go. the year is almost over and he can get back to his original plan of not making friends. jiwon has replaced him so he'll just forget about jiwon. forget the way he shivers when their hands brush against each other, the way jiwon cuddles up to him at night when he gets cold, the way he's always hand feeding hanbin. he'll forget all their jokes and nicknames and memories and hanbin will go back to being the lonely kid no one sits with at lunch because that's what works. not only for him but for his parents, no friends equals no distractions. no distraction equals a well-behaved hanbin who won't disgrace the family name again.

so he vows, when he gets home, he'll tear up the pages in his notebook about jiwon. burn them and watch the paper turn to ash like his feelings, flushing them down the drain the same way he swallows the feeling of dread creeping up the back of his throat and he'll begin again for the better.

and if hanbin, went out of his way to get his seat moved in homeroom, that's between hanbin and mrs. christina.

 

  

it's not until the first week of summer vacation does hanbins computer beep with a new, unread message at an ungodly hour but he's up, lighter in one hand and notebook in the other (he never could bring himself to burn the pages, not ready to let go just yet so this is how he spends most of his nights, overthinking about a boy who hasn't given him a second thought.) and when he opens it, his heart skips a beat. it's jiwon, asking him to come over to his place, saying he had bad news and needed hanbin.

so, like the pushover he is, hanbin writes out a note to his parents (he would be going over to a friends house, a girls, of course) and bolts out the front door, his feet taking the familiar path to jiwon's home. and when he arrives, he walks around back, tapping on the slightly older boys window before sliding it open, hanbin crawled through the window to see a drunk jiwon sprawled across his bed, tears streaming down his face and before he can even react, jiwon speaks.

"she broke up with me, bin. hayi left me." his voice is slurred from both the alcohol and unshed tears building in the back of his throat and hanbin bolts over to the bed, arms scooping up the limp jiwon, holding him closely and letting him cry into his sweater as he mumbles sweet nothings into his ear.

the two boys stay like for so long hanbin loses track of time but he doesn't mind, he needs to be there for him, even if jiwon had left him, "i'll never leave you, i promise. i love you, ji, you're my best friend." and then jiwon pulls back, his nose red and his eyes puffy but hanbin still thinks he looks like a masterpiece. but then jiwon's kissing him and he doesn't know what to do until the other pulls away with a small, broken 'kiss me back, please' and he does. he kisses jiwon back, lets jiwon undress him and he lets him consume him. he pretends to not be affected by the way jiwon moans out hayi's name every time he rocks into him, pretends he doesn't feel like throwing up when jiwon kisses him, murmuring i love you's that are meant for a different person. and when jiwon comes with a low groan before he pulls out, rolling to the side as he passes out, hanbin swears that tears don't stream down his cheeks as he gets dressed. ( ** _never knew loving could hurt this good, and it drives me wild, cause when you look like that, i've never ever wanted to be so bad, it drives me wild._** )

 

 

they just fall back into their daily retinue, as if they never left each others side and that night never happened. but if hanbin still gets worried when jiwon flirts with other girls, scared he'll leave his side again, he never voices the worries and if hanbin selfishly lets jiwon indulge in him every drunken, blue moon, harshly pounding into him while whispering comforting words meant for other people, he doesn't speak out. ( _ **white noise in my mind, won't calm down, you're all I think about, running on the music, and night highs, but when the light's out, it's me and you now.**_ ) 

 

 

hanbin had gone to school without jiwon today even though he stayed at his house (the latter was complaining of being sick, probably just hungover from the night before so he decided to stay home) so he was bored during homeroom. quietly reaching down into his backpack, he feels around for the familiar leather journal only to have his blood run cold when he can't find it and he'd never be stupid enough to leave it at his home where his parents can find it so that leaves one place. 

hanbin shoots up, ignoring the yells from his teacher as he dashes out the classroom and runs down the hallway and out the door, feet taking him to the one place he wished he had never gone because this wouldn't have happened if he hadn't. his legs sprint faster then ever before as his mind moves a mile a second, he thinks of all the love letters titled 'dear jiwon', the poems, small snipets of his inner most deep thoughts and feelings, the half finshed song and when he gets there, he doesn't waste anytime in throwing the window open, "ji, have you seen my-"

his words are cut off by the sight of jiwon sitting in the middle of his floor, hanbin's journal spread open across his lap and he talks without looking up, "the song is beautiful, the letters and poems too, but," he licks his lips, voice thick with guilt, "hanbin, i don't like you that way." ( _ **you make my heart shake, bend and break, but i can't turn away, and it's driving me wild.**_ )

 

 

this time, it's hanbin who leaves jiwon, he sits in his room and pretends he has the flu so he doesn't have to go to school and his parents are more then happy to go get his homework for him because it's a guarantee he doesn't get distracted. jiwon texts him, messages him, even goes as far as to send him snap's on snapchat but hanbin never responds. until one night, when there's a tapping at his window with an all too familiar figure begging him to open up and he does. of course he does.

"hanbin, God, where did you disappear to? are you alright?" jiwon stumbles through the window and quickly embraces the other, not noticing how uncomfortable and nervous he was, "i missed you so much, i was so wrong, please forgive me. hanbin, i do like you- no, love you-"

pulling away from his arms, hanbin shakes his head, there was no way that jiwon loved him. it's not possible but then he's speaking again, "i do, i swear. i love the way you giggle, the way you cuddle with me, the way you put up with my constant rants, the way you smile, the way you look at me like i'm the only person on earth, God, i love it all, i love you. i've loved you from the moment i met you do please let me, let me show you." then they're kissing again and hanbin can't believe his ears but he nods, almost stunned to death.

and this time, if jiwon doesn't fuck him but makes love to him, sweet and slow, never once mentioning anyone else as he looks at hanbin, eyes full of that foreign something that had been there before (he now knows it's called love), and if they hold each other close after words, whispering things hanbin never thought he'd say in his dreams, that's their little secret that no one needs to know.

and if hanbin still wonders how jiwon broke down his walls so quickly, how he took his heart with that stupid perfect smile when he tried to hate him so hard, he would tell you but not even he knows the answer to that mystery. ( _ **WILD.**_ )

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't forgotten about my other fic, i've just got the worse writers block for it (pls pray for me) but on a side note, why do i love death & dying? lol (also posted on my aff)  
> also the lyrics i used are wild - troye sivan / anthem - ikon


End file.
